Heavy...

I've had a heavy heart lately.

...it's hard not to when the tiny life you're responsible for is struggling.

I've found myself becoming cynical and snappy lately, as if I'm angry or something. 
But I'm not...I'm sad, crushed, defeated...but hopeful.

Chad and I were talking yesterday about how lucky we are to have Bennett.  He brings light to our lives and joy to our hearts.

He gives us purpose.

I've done a lot of soul searching over the past year, with having a baby and becoming a mommy and all, and if I have anything to show for it, it's just that. 

My purpose in life is Chad and Bennett. 
I was born to love them and live to care for them. 

As much as work, family and life pulls on my limbs turning me into a metaphoric rag doll...it's Chad and Bennett that are the stitches keeping me together.

The past few days Bennett has been feeling much better.  He's still on his breathing treatments, but his coughing and wheezing is almost non-existent. 

Thank goodness!

However, I do think the weight of the past week has been effecting his tiny temperament.  My once content, playful munchkin, wants nothing but to be ceaselessly held and whimpers if left alone for even a second.

...but honestly I don't care.

Before I had a child, I used to scoff at parents that babied their babies.  Thinking that they acted a certain way as a direct connect to how their parents parent...but boy was I wrong.  If holding my son is the one comfort he can find amid the Bronchitis, RSV scare, ear infections, teeting, etc...then that's fine.

Bennett I'll hold you forever baby, as long as you'll let me. 
(...or until my arms give, like they have been doing lately you rollie pollie you)

xoxo,
Mommy