I recently had a conversation with a friend about two very heavy and mentally taxing subjects in my life lately: purpose and reason.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Up until I became a wife and mother, my purpose and reason in life was inherently and completely selfish. My reasons were driven by my own sense of urgency and my purpose was clearly outlined by the mental parameters I had paved for myself and myself alone.
Decisions were made on the fly without much consideration aside from, "Is this something I want to do?"
Good enough for me!
But then they came.
Chad & Bennett.
Seriously, thank God for them.
Bennett, your existence alone has shaped and transformed so many aspects of my life, it's almost impossible to keep track. You've taught me to slow down, and soak in every hour, minute and second of every day.
To notice things.
Like the tiny muscles in your back or how you ask, "What's this?" to almost everything you notice.
Your tiny self is just exploding with wonder and you alone child, fill me up with absolute reason and purpose, I too, could nearly explode. I'll always be here, with my purpose...to shape you and encourage you. To lift you up and feed your soul. To constantly care, give and never ever stop my love.
You are it.
There are so many reasons as to why you are just that, my reason. The word in itself describes you in all respects.
I think it's awfully safe to say that finding, pursuing and marrying you was the best display of good sense and sound judgement I could have ever made.
I still struggle daily, trying to filter out my own selfish forms of purpose and reason, knowing my actions, wants and needs effect something much greater and larger than myself now. I'm constantly questioning what my role in this world could, should, and would be, but really it is very simple.
Always will be.
Monday, February 4, 2013
A boy's story is the best that is ever told.
-- Charles Dickens
-- Charles Dickens
I crave the weekends.
No urgency of alarm clocks
Little feet pitter pattering down the hall
Coffee and cartoons
Messes…yes, I said it
Kick ball out front
3 hour naps
Movies as background noise
But most importantly…the nothing.
…ahh nothing – it’s sacred to me.
Lately we’ve been doing a lot of nothing, something my tired head and heart needs from time to time.
Sometimes, although it may not be favored, I need to shut off and recharge my mommy batteries with my husband and son.
Monday, January 7, 2013
It goes without saying that, as of late, I've fallen off the radar from blogging. Truth be told, this little human I call my son has been getting nothing short of all of our attention lately...and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Bennett has reached a stage that is, well, to be quite frank...incredible. He's truly a little person that walks, talks, feels and just outright LIVES.
The other day was a big day for us. Well, mostly for Bennett, but there was a moment that Chad and I stood rather still and just soaked in the fact that we do not have a baby anymore, but rather an adventurous, mature, incredibly sweet and equally funny little boy.
We took down Bennett's baby crib, only to replaced with his very own big boy bed. It was almost sad, looking at his tiny self sleeping like a grown up. Bennett did amazing and slept like such a professional. It was so incredibly sweet to hear his little feet pitter pattering down the hall when he woke up in the morning. He ran into our room so utterly confused, yet proud of himself shouting "Mama! Dada!".
My heart soared.
I now crave to hear those little feet in the morning.
...the best alarm clock around if you ask me.
Bennett my sweet boy, I could go on for hours and days about how much you have changed our lives. I now understand the meaning of unconditonal love and never ever want to forget it. You've taught me more about myself in 18 months than I had ever come to learn on my own. I know I'm impatient and I know I am quick to react, but you love me in spite of that and constantly behoove me to become a better Mommy.
Two nights ago, when I was laying with you in your new bed, your tiny heart almost brought me to tears. We were just finishing up reading the Lion King when you started to rub your eyes and let out a big yawn. You then turned over to me, as I was pretending to be asleep, and softly whispered, "Mama?" I of course, didn't respond, trying to get you to go to sleep, when all of a sudden I felt your tiny lips kiss me on the cheek, pat my face, then turned over and went to sleep.
I'm so lucky.
Daddy and I are so lucky.
We all truly are SO lucky to have each other.
I love you my little no pants boy.