Too Fast

Woah.

...thats the best way to describe the past week...and rightfully so, the next few months of the Anaya life.

As if living the life with a little babe isn't crazy enough, us Anaya's are sure in deep lately.  This morning Chad and I were going over the next few weeks when we quickly realized that all of our weekends have been spoken for until the MIDDLE OF JUNE. 

Yes...
Every.
Single.
Weekend.

...and I'm not complaining - we are so blessed to have friends and family and the whole shabang going on. But sometimes Chad and I crave simply sleeping in and snuggling our baby at home all day.

Not only is our schedule jam packed and crazy lately...so is Bennett.

His crawling is that of a crazed spider monkey and his standing has become so daring I've lost count of the number of heart attacks I've had watching him crash to the floor.  All to the point of ordering new living room furniture to accomodate our erratic little mover, such as those equipped with cabinets and doors so the following no longer happens on a 5 minute basis:

Oh Benny...what are we going to do with you??

In other news, Bennett hung out with his future Mother-in-law Lindsey Fox as we celebrated the arrival of sweet little Aubrey (I secretly wish Bennett and Aubrey will fall in love so my little Fox can never get rid of me).  I felt like I was in some warped reality sitting at Lindsey's shower because it was utterly surreal to me that I'm a mom, sitting here feeding my baby at Lindsey's baby shower.  When did we get so grown up?

...I suppose these are all just blunt reminders of how quickly time escapes us.  Like the fact that Bennett is merely 3 months away from turning 1!!!!

Too much.
Too fast.

(p.s. note the blurriness of the photo above.  People keep asking for crawling videos or recent photos of Benny and honestly, this is probably as clear as they will get now that he's so active...Oh well, I still try!)

-Catie

Rock.

It goes without saying that Chad is my rock.

I've not been myself lately, with all of Bennett's health issues and all, and I cannot be thankful enough for the rock.

No.
No.

...boulder of a husband I have.

For those that aren't aware, Chad and I have history. 

Boy, do we.

At first we thought we met at the ripe old age of 14.  I remember it like it was yesterday, standing there at my high school football game watching him walk up in his Billabong sweatshirt and visor. So shy and handsome, and not at all funny like it seems now. 

...but later came to find out, after digging through old photos, they we actually went to pre-school together. 

Exhibit A:

Needless to say, its incredibly evident that God had a plan for us from a very young age.

Since becoming parents, I've began to experience a whole new form of love for Chad.  One that I didn't even know existed.  A love so pure and unadulterated.  The kind of love you have for someone, merely egged on by the love that person has, and rightfully so, shows toward someone else...Bennett.

Let me start off by saying that little Benny absolutely LOVES his daddy.  He squeals in delight when he first sees him in the morning or after a nap, and finds absolute joy in rough housing with him on the floor.  Last night when I was changing Bennett's diaper, he looked up at me and clear as day, shouted "DADA!" then looked out his bedroom door in the direction where Chad was.

...I melted.

Over the past month, Chad has literally been the glue holding me together, especially when I've been basically crumbling to pieces.  My heart broke for Bennett so many times and my head wanted to explode from all the what if's and nerve-wracking treatments.  But Chad, being the mellow, easy going guy he is, handled it all as if it was no big deal.  Of course he knew it was a big deal, but thankfully he knows me so well. 

I need him.
I need his cool, calm demeanor to counteract my crazy and worrisome behavior.
I need him to tell me it's no big deal and it's normal for babies to get sick...yes, this sick.

He is peace, when my fear is crippling.
He is light, when all I see is dark.
...my hope, my joy, my everything.

The reason Chad and I work so well is we truly and wholeheartedly GET eachother.  He knows when I'm showing signs of meltdown and vice versa.  He knows what makes me smile and knows how to love me and calm my tired, erratic head.  He's such a willing and strongwilled person, I only pray I can be a mirror image of a wife for him.

Now and for always...

-Catie

8 Months.

Dear Bennett,

On Tuesday you turned 8 months old. Seriously kid, where is the time going?

We've had a rough past couple of weeks my love, but Bennett, your Daddy and I cannot even being to convey how much of a trooper you are and how much pride and respect we hold in our hearts for you.  You managed your scary, loud breathing treatments like a champ, and stomached 10 more days of your third round of antibiotics.  I'm so sorry you've had to bear these burdens for what feels like ever, but I promise you that we will and can get through anything, my love.

On a happier, much more exciting note...you are a crawling and pulling yourself up MONSTER.  The other day, I lied you on the floor, in hopes of running to change really quick without having to worry about you getting into anything.  Sure enough, when I came back a mere 2 seconds later, you had sat yourself up, crawled over to your Dad's xbox and were chewing on the cord with your two, yes TWO, chompers. 
...you are crazy.

Benny, we also have other really great and exciting news.  We've recently found out that on May 6th, you will be getting baptized...something your Dad and myself have been wanting to do since you've been born.  Yay! ...and speaking of Church, child you are a crack up.  You shout and sing at the top of your lungs during worship, which just fills my heart with joy, and you chat up a storm during the sermon to the point that mommy has walk around along the back with you, in hope of silencing the noise (which never is successful might I add). 

Bennett I wish you could understand the love we have for you.  It's truly immeasureable.  The sparkle in your smile and the light in your eyes...they are so incredibly bright I nearly crave them when I'm away.  You have an effect on me kid...A weakness to say the least. 

...A weakness I'd gladly give into any day.

xoxo,
Mommy

Heavy...

I've had a heavy heart lately.

...it's hard not to when the tiny life you're responsible for is struggling.

I've found myself becoming cynical and snappy lately, as if I'm angry or something. 
But I'm not...I'm sad, crushed, defeated...but hopeful.

Chad and I were talking yesterday about how lucky we are to have Bennett.  He brings light to our lives and joy to our hearts.

He gives us purpose.

I've done a lot of soul searching over the past year, with having a baby and becoming a mommy and all, and if I have anything to show for it, it's just that. 

My purpose in life is Chad and Bennett. 
I was born to love them and live to care for them. 

As much as work, family and life pulls on my limbs turning me into a metaphoric rag doll...it's Chad and Bennett that are the stitches keeping me together.

The past few days Bennett has been feeling much better.  He's still on his breathing treatments, but his coughing and wheezing is almost non-existent. 

Thank goodness!

However, I do think the weight of the past week has been effecting his tiny temperament.  My once content, playful munchkin, wants nothing but to be ceaselessly held and whimpers if left alone for even a second.

...but honestly I don't care.

Before I had a child, I used to scoff at parents that babied their babies.  Thinking that they acted a certain way as a direct connect to how their parents parent...but boy was I wrong.  If holding my son is the one comfort he can find amid the Bronchitis, RSV scare, ear infections, teeting, etc...then that's fine.

Bennett I'll hold you forever baby, as long as you'll let me. 
(...or until my arms give, like they have been doing lately you rollie pollie you)

xoxo,
Mommy

Breaks.

Do you ever wish you can just slam on the breaks?
...hindering whatever is currently happening from doing just that...happening?

Have you ever just felt like falling to your knees begging for a break?
...this weekend, I sure have.

It's no secret that Bennett is and has been sick for what has felt like his entire, almost 8 month, existence. 

Since being born, he's had:

• a sinus infection at 2 weeks old
• a stomach virus at 3 months old
• numerous coughs, colds, and boogers galore
• not one, not two, but three ear infections...and rightly so, three different anitbiotic treatments

...and now, bronchitis and symptoms of RSV.

(bows head in defeat)

Chad and I went to church yesterday, minus Bennett, and my heart cried for him.  I silently begged God to give this little guy a break.  I pleaded and made deals, promising to never complain of lost sleep, time, or sanity for the rest of my time here...as long as Bennett didn't have to suffer anymore. 

Let me suffer. 
Not him.

I sat there, feeling so helpless and blank, taking deep breaths trying to suck in all the pain and discomfort that has recently taken over my son.  But in retrospect, as paralyzed as I felt dealing with Bennett's health, I also know how incredibly blessed we are.

Blessed that although so sick, we have a child that is so happy, loving and joyous, you'd hardly be able to tell he's ill.

Blessed that we have such willing family and friends who want nothing more than to see Bennett thrive.

Blessed that as much as I hate it, this is the worst we've seen...and in a larger specturm, the worst ain't so bad.  I have so much respect for parents of children with illnesses and problems ten times the enormity of Bennett's...they truly are my heros.  How do they do it?

...as much as I hate that Bennett is in day care, susceptible to all these problems, my heart smiled and I felt a sense of peace reading their monthly parent update.

...makes me mush like you wouldn't believe.

It's so Bennett.
..loving, playful, friendly Bennett.