Meltdowns

(Sigh....)

Yesterday was a little rough.

Let me start off by saying that Bennett is probably one of the easiest babies around. He's such a social, smiley, content baby...and I thank God for that all day. Everyday.

I mean, one time he kind of whined at a family function and Chad's Grandma was so shocked. "Oh my goodness, is he actually fussing?"

Well as Bennett's momma, I'll be the first to assure you that although little Benny is such a mild tempered baby...he in fact does cry. He does throw fits.  And does, dare I say it, just wants mom sometimes.

One of my biggest fears as a new mom, and I'm sure I can vouch for all the other new mommies out there as well, is failure.  The feeling that you are failing as a mom and failing your baby.  I made the big mistake early in Bennett's life of comparing him to other babies his age and more importantly, comparing him to the "norm" that the forums of Google and What to Expect teach you.  I remember feeling so defeated when I would read that certain milestones should be reached or when I would attempt suggestions that quite frankly, just didn't work.  I would beat myself up about Bennett's refusal to nap in his crib or his days where all he wanted to do was be held.

"You are NOT going to be that spoiled, coddled baby," I reminded him over and over again.

My mom is such a huge support system and bless her heart for always answering my never-ending phone calls of questions and complaints.  I'm actually still surprised she does after all the snappiness and don't tell me how to raise my baby comments.  She really is so great at putting things into perspective for me or telling me when I'm being just too hard on Benny.  That's what mom's are for right?

Mom: Maybe he isn't hungry Catie.  Are you always hungry at the exact same time everyday?
Me: Well, no.

Me:  Ugh, why is he so cranky?!?
Mom:  Would you like it if someone woke you up from napping?
Me: Good point.

Having a baby and more importantly, being a mom is not an exact science.  And I think in my mind, and again, this is the controlling Catie...I wanted it to be.  I wanted to be able to have a handle on Bennett and motherhood.  I wanted to be able to breeze through everyday knowing exactly how it would all play out.  I wanted Bennett to be perfect...but what I was missing out on was realizing that he was pretty darn close.

Yesterday was a BIG lesson in realizing just how good I do have it with Benny.  He was having a bad day...yes, one of those days.  The kind where I worry our neighbors think I'm murdering our baby.  Or the kind where God forbid if I leave the room...the world is over.

Yes...he was having himself a full fledged, blockbuster day of a meltdown.

At 2:00 pm, after all morning and afternoon of fussing and clawing and hair pulling, my mom and I took Bennett to the doctor for his 3 month check-up.  I intended on drilling his pediatrician about his behavior lately.

I wanted answers.
I needed answers.

Little Benny's check up went well, aside from his shots which always pull at my heart strings.  Seriously, nothing can prepare you for the shriek of your baby when they realize pain.  At 3 months old, our little guy is literally growing like a weed.  He checked out at 13lbs 10oz and 23 3/4 inches long.  Since being born, he's gone from the 4th percentile in weight to the 55th!!! So amazing!

His doctor asked how his sleeping was and I literally couldn't get my gripes and complaints out fast enough.  I informed her that he has no problem whatsoever sleeping through the night.  I mean, he literally hardly makes a peep.  But informed her of my immense struggle with naps and how Bennett will just NOT have it.  She began asking me a lot of questions to try and pin point why this was happening, because clearly a baby that can sleep 9+ hours at night can surely take an hour and a half nap right??


Dr:  Is he drooling a lot?
Me: YES!!! Like puddles!
Dr:  What about his hands and arms...does he stick them in his mouth a lot?
Me: YES!! Every time he does tummy time, I find himself gnawing on his arm as if it were a thanksgiving drumstick
Dr:...and this just started like a week and 1/2 ago.
Me: Yes.
Dr:  You know, he may be teething.

WHAT?! Teething?!? Already?!?!

After a quick check of Bennett's gums, our suspicions were confirmed when she felt two little lumps on the upper chompers.

I was stunned.  I couldn't believe he was teething already!  He just started rolling over and grabbing things, I really was NOT ready for this.

Bennett's doctor visit was a big wake up call.  I realized that I really need to knock it off with my overreacting.  I need to stop thinking I suck at being a mom just because he has a bad day, because clearly it was not ME that was making him so unhappy...it was pesky, painful baby teeth.  I think we tend to so easily forget that we aren't always the problem...moreover, usually we never are.  Mommies are definitely the solution and my little angel proved that that very evening.

After a very rough day, my little guy was just so tuckered out.  He had been poked at the doctor, didn't have one decent nap, had swollen eyes from sobbing all day...and now teeth.  Poor thing!

As Bennett's bedtime was quickly approaching, the anxiety of a rough night ahead flooded my mind.  I was preparing myself for the absolute worst because after the day he had, I didn't expect much less.  I reminded myself to be patient and repeated over and over again this too shall pass.  this too shall pass.


I wasn't going to simply put him down for bed like we usually do...I knew better than that tonight.  Rather I snuggled my little angel to sleep in my arms trying to squeeze all the stress and dismay he was feeling out of him - as any good momma would want to do.  It was in that moment, while Bennett was clinched onto my hand falling fast asleep that I realized the beauty in such breakdowns...the magic in these so-called meltdowns;  the amazing moment that we so often overlook...the moment where a baby just wants his mommy.  His mommy and nothing else.

I know as he gets older, these moments will become more and more sporadic and I quickly thanked God for allowing me to realize the lessons Bennett was teaching me today.

The lesson on patience.
The lesson on humility.
The lesson on being a better momma.

And that night, my amazing little man...slept like the rock that he is.

Thank you sweet baby...thank you.