Compromise

One of the fastest/hardest things I had to learn and continue to struggle with after having a baby is compromise. I made the mistake of going into motherhood, again this is the control freak in me, thinking I'd be able to, for lack of a better word, hack it. What I mean by that is simply women are made to be mothers. Its our destiny.  I could handle it...no problem.  I remember telling Chad during my pregnancy that I didn't think I needed classes because I'd just know what to do.

Boy was I wrong.

I remember some of the first few nights home finding myself sobbing crying while feeding my sweet little man.
10:00 PM Feed
11:30 PM Feed
1:00 AM Feed...you get the picture.

I felt like I was being thrown to the wolves.  I was so exhausted and so overwhelmed. I immediately told myself that after a few weeks of feeding little Benny on demand that I just had to get him on a schedule...not only for my sanity and for the sake of my baby as well....this was not at all healthy!

This was my big first lesson in compromise.  I had quickly learned that no matter how tired I was, Bennett didn't care.  In his mind, he was hungry and that was that.  He literally was the center of our universe and everything had been revolving around him - Which is fine for those that can tolerate that, but me...not so much.  After confiding in other new moms and reaching out to anyone I knew that could help, I began putting Benny on a rigid eating and napping schedule.

...Let's just say, the center of the universe had a little issue with that.

It was as though Bennett was onto me.  He napped when he was supposed to be awake and he was hungry when it wasn't time to eat.  What is wrong with him???  I repeated over and over again.  Why did I suck so bad at being a mom???

Looking back now three months into motherhood, I wish I could go back in time and erase all the days and nights of killing myself trying to force Bennett to do what I wanted.  I know now that to a baby, especially ones so little, that they truly do believe the world revolves around them.  And then there was me, who was trying endlessly to get my baby to fit into my schedule...not the best equation really.

I started to pin point my flaws and I took notes on what worked and what just had to go.  I was compromising with my baby, which just seems so silly saying, but hey, it worked.  I began realizing how easy it was and how happy Bennett was without all the pressure of a crazy, rigid schedule.  I started doing what felt right and not what any book or person had told me to do.  If he wanted to nap on the couch in his boppy, I was fine with that.  A nap is a nap right?  If he wanted to stay awake longer than usual during his playtime...I was fine with that too.  But Benny now knows the second he becomes cranky and overtired...playtime is over.

Life was starting to feel normal again and Bennett began doing everything I originally tried to force on him on his own.  He naps when he's supposed to nap (well, most of the time) and he eats when he should be eating.  He even blessed our tired heads by sleeping through the night at 10 weeks old.  Go Benny!  I now know that so much of my exhaustion and frustration was brought on not by Bennett or anyone else - but rather myself.  I had put so much pressure on this tiny little person to conform to my lifestyle that it was as though he was rebelling.  He wasn't ready and he was letting me know that...BIG TIME.

Should I have known that with patience and compromise, my little man would eventually get there.

Tomorrow Bennett will be exactly 3 months old and I cannot believe at what a little person he is becoming.  He's such a smiley and happy baby it literally melts my heart.


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Happy 3 months Bennett my heart...you truly have made me such a better person and I'm so proud to be your mommy.

xo,
Catie