Heart Strings.

It’s no secret that I am an incredibly sensitive person.  Not in the sense that I get my feelings hurt left and right, but rather I care about things very passionately and aggressively that I am almost fully engulfed and consumed by them. 

My biggest crutches, of course are Chad and Bennett. 

Once I became a Mom, something changed.  A switch happened that I was not fully aware of until as of late.  I have these overflowing emotions that sometimes can get out of control, but in a good way. 

A positive way. 
In a, this is something that must be known and addressed, kind of way.

I remember telling a co-worker not too long ago, that I got weepy and moved by simply watching the Titanic 3-D trailer.  Silly? Yes.  But the underlying message runs much deeper than being an oversensitive female.  It’s knowing that life is so precious.  So magical.  And yet, so easily taken away from us.

I feel like once I became a parent – created, developed, and became responsible for this new little life, that fear, or knowledge rather became very apparent.  Life is short and we must live our lives knowing tomorrow is NEVER promised.  I have a hard time being away from Bennett and it’s not because I’m dramatic, but it’s the fact of knowing that the control is not in my hands.  I choose to be with him as much and I can humanly muster and there is nothing wrong with that.

Chad and I constantly struggle with time.  It’s no secret and we choose to openly discuss it in hopes of others to become more aware and understanding.  We see how sometimes our lack of capability and appearance comes off as detached and uncaring – but it’s quite the opposite.  We have love, and lots of it.  So much that we want to spread and share that love with everyone.  And we have Benny, who I’m not gonna lie, is one hot item.  But sometimes, when the rare occasion of time arises, we want it for ourselves.  To live in the moment of being a family and soaking up each other’s presence like human sponges…something we rarely ever get to do.

I learned yesterday that an old co-worker of mine was diagnosed with Leukemia.  Her name is Alison and she is 27 years old.

…27.

I remember letting one of my bosses know and telling him, “Really puts our ‘problems’ into perspective huh?”…and it’s so true.  I drove home yesterday in tears and quite frankly I’m stomaching all I can to fight them off right now.  I of course was so deeply devastated for Alison, but also, finding out something so crushing really DOES put your own life into perspective.  It makes you question all you say and do…well, at least for me it does.  I raced home with the intent of wrapping my arms around Chad and Bennett and quite frankly, had no intention of ever letting go. 

My heart breaks thinking of Alison’s parents.  I now wholeheartedly understand the mindset that a parent should never outlive their child.  I could not imagine a life where day in and day out I had to legitimately worry about Bennett’s existence.  It’s just debilitating.

But the magic that you ever so often find among any misery…is hope.

Without hope, we are nothing.  Without faith, leaves fear.  We must trust in God and trust in the life we are given and promise to live each day wrapped in gratitude and appreciation for simply that…TODAY.

-Catie

(For more information, or if you’d like to donate to Alison Pochebit’s recovery foundation please visit: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/alisonpochebit)