I recently had a conversation with a friend about two very heavy and mentally taxing subjects in my life lately: purpose and reason.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Up until I became a wife and mother, my purpose and reason in life was inherently and completely selfish. My reasons were driven by my own sense of urgency and my purpose was clearly outlined by the mental parameters I had paved for myself and myself alone.
Decisions were made on the fly without much consideration aside from, "Is this something I want to do?"
Good enough for me!
But then they came.
Chad & Bennett.
Seriously, thank God for them.
Bennett, your existence alone has shaped and transformed so many aspects of my life, it's almost impossible to keep track. You've taught me to slow down, and soak in every hour, minute and second of every day.
To notice things.
Like the tiny muscles in your back or how you ask, "What's this?" to almost everything you notice.
Your tiny self is just exploding with wonder and you alone child, fill me up with absolute reason and purpose, I too, could nearly explode. I'll always be here, with my purpose...to shape you and encourage you. To lift you up and feed your soul. To constantly care, give and never ever stop my love.
You are it.
There are so many reasons as to why you are just that, my reason. The word in itself describes you in all respects.
I think it's awfully safe to say that finding, pursuing and marrying you was the best display of good sense and sound judgement I could have ever made.
I still struggle daily, trying to filter out my own selfish forms of purpose and reason, knowing my actions, wants and needs effect something much greater and larger than myself now. I'm constantly questioning what my role in this world could, should, and would be, but really it is very simple.
Always will be.